pain

Andy is going to Primary Children's Hospital this friday. Please pray for him and us that we will receive goods news. I'll be honest... I'm pretty tired of wearing a smile and pretending this doesn't hurt like hell. I just don't want to deal with this- period. Sometimes I feel like people don't really understand how much pain I have been through over this topic, and if truth be told I hope they never do understand how I feel because the only way to understand is to experience it yourself. I don't really think even my husband or parents know the depths of sadness I've felt at times. Not because they don't care but because it's hard for me to put it in words. Sometimes when I look at my husband I know he knows because he feels it too. I'm not looking for sympathy or replies or emails, I just need to vent, get this out on to my blog so it's not stuck inside of me. One thing this has brought to my life; a greater appreciation for Our Saviour. He knows my pain because he's felt it. While Andy spent some time in the NICU I couldn't always be there so I taped a little picture of Jesus (who was smiling) in his crib because I knew he would feel comforted. Now I just need to look at that little picure myself, the same exact one that was in his crib and know that things will be okay because ultimately God is taking care of my son.