Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm

First moment I met my baby boy.

I wrote this letter to Andy 9 months ago. I never intended to put it on the blog, just to give it to him personally when he's grown up. However, I decided for Mother's Day I would post it since it is a reflection of my experience as a mother. It is pretty personal but I plan to get my blog printed into a book for our family so it has to be included. Happy Mother's Day to all!

My Dear Andrew,

Only God knows how much I love you, because I thank him every day for you. I don’t expect you to ever understand how much you mean to me. I suppose one day you may have children of your own and have a better understanding, but it’s not important that you completely understand it, just that you know it; I love you from the core of my heart.

There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for you to keep you safe from harm or to make sure you have a good life. Everything I do now is for you. Yet, in some way all the thanks should be given to you, Andrew. You have brought me blessings beyond counting. You have made my life so rich, so real, so sorrowful, so joyful, so alive.

I have trouble just finding the words to write this letter to you. The love I have for you is hard to define, the way I see you, the person that you are, it’s not something easy to define. I’ve never known a feeling closer to heaven than when I first held you after you were born. I felt myself floating up off of Earth and then quickly coming back down because I wanted to be down here to be your mother.

I need to share something with you my sweet Andrew. Life has it’s trials. We’ve seen a small preview of what life has in store for you. It fills my heart to the breaking point with sorrow. Son, I am so sorry this is something you must endure. I would take it for you in a heartbeat if I had that option. I hope you know that. God sees something very special in you. You are someone very special to him. He knows that you have enough strength to get through this. He chose you to be a heart warrior, to battle this all of your mortal life. He chose this for you not because he wants to see you hurt but because he loves you and he knows that ironically, you will receive immense blessings from this trial in your life. Please never forget that if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

With the sorrow of our mortal life comes the joy. You are my own personal definition of joy. You are the very personification of joy. You are very dear to me, Andrew. After having you, your father and I realized quickly that we couldn’t fathom an existence without you and you prompted us to be sealed in the temple. There would be no eternity for me without you in it. I need to tell you that even with all the sorrow I’ve experienced with your trials I know with my entire soul that the joy outweighs everything; Life is so worth it. Never give up. Never give up. Nothing can bring about a more brilliant rainbow than a rainstorm. I’ve known from the moment I set eyes on you that every moment of my life is a gift from God, even the hard moments. Every moment I have to spend with you as your mother makes everything else worth it. You will experience this satisfaction too, I believe. God wants to see you experience the joy in life and so do I, your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

I love you Andrew. I always have, from the moment I realized you were growing inside of me, and I always will, until the moment I take my last breath and even then I have eternity to love you. I will always be here for you. Please come to me when you are happy, sad, heartbroken or scared. Please let me be there for you and help you in any way I know how. Even in times when you chose to not to come to me for help, please know that I love you so deeply and would go to the ends of the earth for you. You are my baby and even when you are an old man you will be my baby. You are my everything and I love you. You are the sunshine in my life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you to give you the best in life. I love you son, to the moon and back.

Forever yours,

Mom